Everyone hates uniforms. Whether it’s because they stifle your freedom of expression or because you’ll inevitably get sick of anything you have to do/wear/eat/look at day in and day out, propose a change in the rules to include uniforms and most people will be rolling their eyes. The very mention causes some of us to have harrowing flashbacks to that feeling of dread we experienced when the idea was being kicked around at our schools or workplaces as kids. As in, “Dear God, don’t let them put another layer of huge dork on me. I have enough to deal with as it is.”
Such was the knee-jerk reaction by some to the announcement earlier this week that the UFC is in the process of developing fighter uniforms. A whole slew of indignant questions spring to mind: What if the uniform shorts are vale tudo style and a fighter prefers more of a board shorts style? What if the ladies want to wear those mock-skirt type bottoms? What if he or she really loves to wear fuchsia or turquoise or tiedye and the uniforms are all, presumably, going to be red and blue? What about individuality, man? And what about sponsorship patches, which most fighters rely on to put money in their pockets?
Then again, we don’t know for sure that there will be only one option for color or style. And, if we think about it, there was that incredibly embarrassing-to-all-us-Alaskans incident when one of the few fighters from our state who’s managed to make it to the UFC, Cody McKenzie, showed up to a recent fight wearing what looked to be white basketball shorts, complete with tags attached and a “907” (our area code) crudely drawn on the leg in magic marker—the result of McKenzie and his team having left his actual gear back at the hotel. Or the far more revolting spectacle of the purple man-panties worn by Dennis Hallman in his fight against Brian Ebersole (see below). Or the time Ronda Rousey beat Liz Carmouche and the sequence of events that followed her successful armbar went like this: She released Liz’s arm, pulled down the sports bra that was threatening to pop off, and only then proceeded to celebrate victory by throwing her arms up over her head.
Maybe uniforms will be a good idea after all.
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